I was going to write a real post today but I ran out of time and it’s late so instead I’m going to just share the substack letter I just mailed out in case you don’t subscribe but want to know why I’ve disappeared for a few days:

Hello, love!

I know I just sent you a letter but I’m sending another one because next week I’ll be in Quebec for a couple of days and I don’t know how to schedule a future post and I don’t know if I’ll have access to substack there. Honestly, how am I decades into publishing online and am still so bad at this?

BUT! Pretend that this is next Monday because my drawing for the week is a reminder of exactly why I’ll be in Quebec…because life is short and fragile and I’ve never seen the sort of snow that you can do things in and I want to sled down a hill or build a snowman once in my life before it’s too late. Of course, now that I’ve written this I expect that all the snow in Canada will melt but I’ve heard they also have excellent cheeses so we’ll make do no matter what.

“Our lives are fleeting and fragile and beautiful…like butterfly wings that turn to dust at a touch.”

And let this be a tiny reminder to you that (if you can) you should go out and do something fun and whimsical and ridiculous as often as possible because that is what life is made of. Bundle into a quilt and watch an old black and white movie. Attach a swing to your tree and have fun. Make plans to see snow and then remember that in addition to many other diseases you also have severe rheumatoid arthritis and then say, “FUCK IT. I’LL BRING EXTRA DRUGS” and get on the plane even though you feel kind of stupid and might end up in a cramped ball of pain at the end of this. 

Hugs, sweet friend.

~ Jenny

PS. I have been doing duolingo for 333 days straight because I heard that learning languages can help keep dementia away and so I will be using my french for the first time ever in real life and do I just apologize in advance for fucking it up? Is it rude to speak French if I can speak English since I think much of Quebec also speaks English? Am I just making it harder on everyone else or is it a charming thing to show them that I’m really trying and am just very stupid? I don’t know the answer here.

This isn’t a real post. It’s just me saying that I’m going to Nowhere Bookshop either today or tomorrow to sign books so if you want to order some for presents for yourself or others and have them mailed to you before xmas you can get them here.

If you put “go nuts” in the comments of the order form I will probably surprise you with ridiculous drawings, animal facts or other unhinged things because I like to entertain myself and need adult supervision. Just warning you. See below.

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Also, giant thanks to everyone who helped or asked for help in our 16th annual James Garfield Miracle. Over 400 kids were sent presents. Whoop!

Hello and welcome to the SIXTEENTH ANNUAL James Garfield Miracle! (HOW??)

“What is the James Garfield Miracle?” you may be asking.

You must be new here. HELLO AND WELCOME.

16 years ago I walked into an estate sale and fell in love with an ancient taxidermied boars head that seemed so damn happy to see me.

I did not buy him and spent a week in light mourning. Then the next week A MIRACLE HAPPENED and James Garfield came into my life forever. (He’s looking at me right now in my new office, in fact and he is older but still magnificent….as are we all.)

But Victor wasn’t completely thrilled that we’d spent $90 on a literal Christmas miracle of mangey fur and missing teeth so I decided that I’d make holiday cards of James Garfield to make up for it and if I sold a couple dozen it’d be like James Garfield was making us money.

But then everyone went crazy and James Garfield made more that week than I did in my actual job and so I decided that I’d take all the money James Garfield made and use it to give presents to the kids of people who were struggling that year because I have been there in the past myself. And I bought gifts for the first 30 something people and then I ran out of money but then suddenly everyone in the comments were like, “I WANT TO HELP A STRANGER IN NEED! LET ME BUY A GIFT FOR SOMEONE” and that’s how this suddenly became 16 years of a strange community project of strangers helping strangers anonymously and it’s pretty damn amazing.

Over the years we’ve had many different iterations of the James Garfield Miracle and the only real downside is that occassionally a scammer would slip in and ask for stuff for themselves, so a few years ago we decided to just give out teddy bears. Why? Because everyone loves teddy bears (hell, I love teddy bears) and if someone is going to go to the trouble to make an entire wishlist account for a teddy bear they definitely need one.

So this year I am sending out 150+ teddy bears to kids right here. 

That’s it. Just sweet, snuggly teddy bears. Well, not just teddy bears because the teddy bears have eyes that babies can swallow (stop swallowing eyes, weird babies) so I’m also adding a few other stuffed animals you can choose from if you have an eye-devouring baby or your child hates bears or Amazon sells out of teddy bears. 

But that’s it. Simple. Easy. Not perfect because in a perfect world everyone would get everything they need, but I’d like to imagine that even people who may be disappointed that we’re just doing stuffed animals will at least be happy imagining all the kids finding unexpected fluffy new stuffed animals in their arms this holiday. It makes me smile, at least. 

So, if you are struggling this year and you need help getting your child a present for Christmas/Hanukkah/winter solstice/whateveryoucelebrate then I am ready to Santa Claus it up and drop one lovely plushie at your doorstep. And I will walk you through how to get or give one anonymously. 

Here are the links for the plushes you can pick from. Choose the one that best works for your kid:

Squishmallow Stitch in pajamas

microwavable weighted cow plushie

Pair of alpaca babies

t-rex puppet

Douglas hedgehog

Glowing polar bear

Soft elephant

Dress and play Baby Bluey

Squishmallow kodiak bear with bucket hat

Currently these are all around $15-$25 each but Amazon can be wonky about changing up the prices when things start to run low so if I see that happening I’ll come back here to add other choices to choose from to replace any that sell out or suddenly skyrocket in price from $20 to $180. (Wtf, Amazon?) If I haven’t bought you a stuffed animal it’s probably because they sold out, jacked up the price, or you forgot to add your address so just come back and try again.  I selected only stuffed animals that are prime eligible and have at least 20 or more in stock but if they start to run out I’ll switch to something else that meets the criteria.

(Also, I use a lot of the profits I make on ads and stuff to buy toys for kids, and all of the royalties from the 2026 Bloggess Calendar go to this as well, so that means that if you’ve even clicked on a link this year or bought an ad or a book, then you are the reason why I’m going to be able to buy toys for at least 150 kids this year.  I’m so grateful.  Thank you!)

The wishlists should be posted in the comments so (as always) if you want to buy a present for a stranger you totally can.  Or you can donate to Project Night Night, an amazing organization that provides a tote bag, book, stuffed animal and security blanket to displaced kids throughout the year.  They are FANTASTIC and they have more requests than they can fill so I cannot recommend them enough. In fact, tomorrow I’ll be donating $1,000 to them in your name. WHOOP!

SO…if you want in on this you have to read all the directions and stick to the rules or otherwise you will be set on fire and pushed out a moving plane.  Or maybe I’ll just delete your comment and look at you with that disappointed look your mom gives you when she knows you’re trying but are still fucking up.  One of those.  Here are the rules:

IF YOU WANT TO GIVE:

Okay, how do I do this?

You are my special angel.  Just look in the comments and find someone who has an unfilled Wishlist. I’m going to fill least 150 stuffed animal wishes but there are often more than I can handle.  (If there’s nothing on their list when you click it it means their toy was already bought- yay!)  Buy their present and make sure when you check out that you select their shipping address instead of defaulting to yours.  (It won’t give you their full address but it’ll tell you the town you’re shipping it to so you can compare it to their comment to make sure you have the right person.)  If you try to fill a wishlist but it doesn’t give you a shipping address to choose that means the person didn’t assign a shipping address to their list so just delete their present out of your cart and go on to the next wishlist.  If it says “these are duplicates.  Someone else may have already bought this” when you try to check out then someone else has already bought that stuff so delete it and try another one. I’ll update the comments as I can to note which ones have been filled but it can get a bit backlogged when I’m in the car, eat or sleeping. 🙂 Please do not fill any wishlists that don’t say the city the person lives in the comments, or any wishlists where the person doesn’t stick to the rules, please. (This is one way we make sure that people are who they say they are while still giving them anonymity.) 

But what if I don’t live in America?

Check the comments because we often have Canadians and others outside the US who need help and I can’t fill those lists because shipping kills me, so if you want to adopt a family this is a great way to do it.

IF YOU NEED HELP:

You are my special angel.  Here are the things you have to know and if you do them wrong you’ll get deleted so read carefully, okay?:   You have to make a BRAND NEW wishlist today, you can only choose one stuffed animal per child to put on your wishlist, and it has to be one of the ones above. I’ll walk you through it below. Then just come to this post and leave a comment telling us the city and State you’re in (this location has to match what you have on your wishlist), how many kids you have, and a link to your wishlist.  Do not make multiple wish lists.  Just make one.  One of the most important things (people do this wrong every year so PLEASE do this part right) is that you have to assign a shipping address for this specific brand new wishlist.  It doesn’t matter if you’ve done it before or think it’s on your profile. You have to do it for this new wishlist specifically today or it won’t let us send you anything. I’ll give you the details on setting up the wishlist below.

What if I want to make wish lists to surprise other people who I think need help?

Nope.  Because then we end up sending multiple things to the same people. But you can totally encourage them to go online or help them make their own. This is for anyone struggling to get a toy for their child this holiday (and yes, that totally includes teens and adult children with special needs).

I’ve never done this before.  How do I make a wishlist?

It’s pretty quick and easy if you follow the formula.  I’ll walk you through step by step:

On Amazon, click on “Accounts & Lists” (on the top right), choose “Create a list” from the dropdown. (Sometimes it’s under “your lists” if you can’t find it.)

Create a brand new list and name it “James Garfield 2025” then click “create”. This will give you a blank private wishlist with nothing on it. 

On the right you’ll see a button that says “…“.  Click on that and choose “Manage list.”  Change “private” to “PUBLIC” so we can see it. In the “description” part just put how many kids your list is for.  YOU MUST ADD YOUR ADDRESS FOR THIS SPECIFIC LIST so click on the drop-down for the shipping address and change it from “none” to your address. PLEASE DON’T SKIP THIS PART.  Please make sure that all the checkboxes at the bottom are UNCHECKED. That means make sure that “keep purchased items on your list” and “don’t spoil my surprises” are NOT checked.  Now go back and double-check every single thing in this paragraph. Is it all good? Awesome! Click “Save changes”. 

Now just go shopping for one of the above stuffed lovies for your kiddo.  When you have the one you want click on the “Add to list” drop down arrow on the right (it’s under where the price is) and then select your “James Garfield 2025” list.  Click “view your list” to make sure it’s added. If everything is right you should have your stuffed animal(s) on the wishlist page and when you click on the “…” button again it should say that your wishlist is public and your address should show up in the same box and double check that “don’t spoil my surprises” and “keep purchased items on your list” ARE NOT checked. (People will see the city and state you are in, but your last name and the rest of your address is hidden.)

If you have another kid just go back to the list and pick a present for them and add it to the same list.

When you have one stuffed animal for each kid in your wishlist copy the link to your wishlist. Now you go to the comments below and leave a comment saying how many kids you have, what city and state you are in, and a paste in the link to your wishlist.  That’s it!

So for example, a comment from me would look like this:

“Hi.  I live in San Antonio Texas, and I have one kid who would love an elephant. Here’s my list:  https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3CX4A420GS5MG

Thanks!”

Now…go shopping.  Happy James Garfield Day!

PS.  Please please please double check before you hit the submit button that you have assigned a shipping address to your wishlist, that it’s “public” and that your comment has a link to your wishlist, the city and state you live it and the number of kids you have. Love!

PPS. This is one of my favorite things to do each year but it isn’t perfect. Every year some boxes go missing. Some get delivered after Christmas. Miscommunications happen. But I’d rather try to do something small and wonderful even if it isn’t perfect. Thank you to every single person who asks for help, to every single person to who helps and especially to those who have done both. Every year we have people who’ve been helped before who are so happy to help this year, or people who’ve helped before but now need help themselves. I know what it feels like to be in both of those places and I’m wishing love and light to every single person who reads this.

PPPS. When you choose something for your wishlist make sure it still says “delivers before xmas” because some of the things may sell out and not restock in time. 🙂 As of the time I’m writing this all the stuffed animals arrive before xmas but if they start to sell out and have to restock it might cause your stuff to come in later. I’ll try to keep adding other options if things start to run out.

Happy holidays, y’all!

Hello, friend!

This isn’t a real post. It’s just me dropping in to say that every year I host a weird holiday giveaway where I send new stuffed animals to kids who might not otherwise get them, but this year I’m going to do it a little earlier than normal because I’m traveling a little. So if you are someone who wants help getting your kids a stuffy this year be sure to check back soon. (Probably Sunday or Monday. I’ve been a little sick or I’d be doing it now.) I’ve been very thankful this year with book sales and so I’m passing that happiness on to send at least 150 kids a present (maybe more…I have to check my bank account) so just know that if you read here or my substack or support me in any way you are, in turn, supporting others. YAY! It’s one of my favorite things of the year, especially because I have also been on both side of the “really want to help” and “really need help myself” coin in my life.

In case this is your first year, I’ll do a full run-down of the rules when I open the post up to start giving, but here are the basics in case you’re interested:

I’ll start a new post here in a few days with a list of about 10 different stuffed animals you can choose from (usually $15 to $25 each) and then anyone who needs one will make a BRAND-NEW wishlist on amazon of the stuffed animals they want. (One per child so we don’t run out, please.) Then I’ll tell you how to make your list public and fillable. It won’t show anyone your address or last name, just the name you add to it and your city. Then you simply leave the link to the list along with a note in the comments of that post just saying how many kids you have and what city you are in. Then I’ll go in and fill the lists, first come-first served. And also, lovely people in the comments often pop in to fill lists as well, including even people who were once the very small kids getting the stuffed animals themselves in years past. *ow my heart*

We limit the wishlists to just stuffed animals because otherwise it can get out of hand very quickly and we want everyone to get one if possible, but after Xmas the post will stay open so you can share gofundmes or wishlists of other stuff if you want. (If you share it before or don’t follow the rules I’ll just delete your comment and ask you to try again so it’s fair for everyone.) It’s for children only but if you have adult disabled kids, then of course they still count as children. 🙂

Check back soon!

I need to add a picture here but I don’t have a good one so instead here is Ferris Mewler in my lap right now as he watches the squirrels outside of my office.

He’s making that chittering “eck-eck-eck” noise and it is adorable.

So. Last night I went to Windcrest (it’s part of San Antonio) because they have this decades-old tradition where people put up incredible holiday decorations and people can drive through the neighborhoods for free. I was chosen to be one of the judges of the Christmas Light-Up because the theme this year is “storybooks” and they wanted an author. I was more than slightly nervous to leave the house because of my social anxiety but from the email invite it sounded like a simple little dinner cooked and given by high school students and then a drive around the neighborhoods to judge the houses. I told Victor I wasn’t sure what to wear because I don’t own anything christmasy and he was like, “I’m sure you can wear anything” so I threw a sweater from Goodwill over my denim house dress and as I was walking out of the door I realized I was still wearing my garden flip-flops and ran to change shoes but the only ones I could find didn’t match my outfit at all but who cares because I’m sure it’s fine, right? *cough*

And then we got inside and I walked directly into several men who were wearing elaborate white coronation suits with gold cords and medals, like the one Cinderella’s husband wore at the royal ball and I was like, “I have made a terrible mistake.”

And then Victor said, “It’s fine. I see other people wearing casual clothes” and that would be comforting if right then a man hadn’t walked in wearing a full royal suit complete with a golden crown THAT LIT THE FUCK UP. So if you ever feel underdressed in the future, just know that you’re not doing that badly if you’re not in a goodwill sweater standing next to a man in an electrified and bejeweled golden crown.

And then I just stared at Victor because what the fuck is actually happening right now and he was like, “Let’s just go sit at that empty table in the back in case we need to sneak out” and so we sat alone for a few minutes until the most glamorous woman I’ve ever seen in real life walked in wearing a stunning dress and she and her husband came to sit with us and did I mention that she was also wearing a crown BECAUSE SHE’S THE REIGNING MISS SAN ANTONIO.

I could not make this shit up, y’all.

BUT…I decided to just give up all pretense of pretending to be normal and skipped awkward smalltalk and got into a weirdly deep conversation with this gorgeous woman who also happens to also be a lawyer and a mother and a fellow introver,t and it was lovely and I was very impressed with myself for not faking diarrhea and immediately hiding in the bathroom until everyone left.

Then we were told that the judges would be split up into groups that would be driven around by the police and that’s when I thought, “This is the weirdest undercover sting I have ever been involved in and if they wanted me to pay my parking tickets they could have just said.” But turns out I wasn’t being arrested and I sent my kid a text with this picture and the words, “Right now I’m in the back of a cop car and I’m not going to jail this time and I just wanted to celebrate this as a win. HIGH FIVE.”

And Hailey probably pinched their nose and sighed just like the cop was doing in the picture and they replied, “WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING??” but I didn’t respond because I was too busy asking the cop legal questions. (Like did you know that if I refused to wear a seatbelt in a cop car I would get the ticket instead of him? Who knew? Answer: He knew.)

Anyway, this is just to say that even though I initially thought that I’d made a terrible mistake in leaving the house, it ended up being really lovely and I’m leaving this here to remind myself to get out more even if I do it in my garden flip-flops. (But maybe I should put an emergency crown in the car for next time? I don’t know the rules about crowns.)

PS. Turns out the guys in the royal suits were part of the Fiesta royalty which will make no sense to you if you don’t live in San Antonio, but it’s totally a real thing we love here. I got a picture of them but it wasn’t very flattering so instead I’m using an official one, although this is a totally different crown than the one he was wearing last night and how many crowns does he have? It’s kind of impressive, really, but now I’m wondering if I need to have multiple emergency car crowns?

Leaving the house is confusing, y’all.

PPS. I did not get any good pictures of the houses because I’m a terrible journalist but this one I took from a moving police car was one of my favorites because I know people love a good nativity scene but I’m an absolute sucker for a house with a death star on it.

Happy holidays, y’all.

The world is hard but books are a lovely escape so here are some of my suggestions for new November releases you should read:

As Many Souls as Stars by Natasha Siegel.  For fans of The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, an inventive and romantic speculative novel about two women—a witch and an immortal demon—who make a Faustian bargain and are drawn into a cat-and-mouse chase across multiple lifetimes. Complicated, supernatural lesbians? YES, PLEASE. I liked it so much that I picked it for the Fantastic Strangelings Bookclub, which you should join if you haven’t already. We’re relaunching it soon so stay tuned for more info.

The Place Where they Buried Your Heart by Christina Henry – A woman must confront the evil that has been terrorizing her street since she was a child in this gripping haunted house novel, perfect for fans of The Last House on Needless Street and Tell Me I’m Worthless. I loved it so much I finished it in one sitting and immediately picked it as the book to send out to all of our Nightmares from Nowhere Book Club members.

The Bookshop Below by Georgia Summers – a disgraced bookseller is offered the chance to restore a magical bookshop to its former glory, and enters a dark underworld of unscrupulous collectors, deadly ink magic and shady societies. I want to live there.

How About Now:  Poems by Kate Baer – Raw, luminous, and urgent, this collection channels Baer’s own journey to middle age into poems that are profoundly intimate yet resound universally, identifying the beauty, resilience, and fragility that arrive in every stage of life. I yelled, “HELL YES” as I was reading it…multiple times.

Cursed Daughters by Oyinkan Braithwaite – A young woman must shake off a family curse and the widely held belief that she is the reincarnation of her dead cousin in this strange and perceptive novel about love, female rivalry, and superstition.

I’ll Make a Spectacle of You by Beatrice Winifred Iker – this heart-pounding Southern gothic horror debut takes readers to Bricksbury University, the oldest and most storied HBCU in the nation. But as one student is about to find out, a long history comes with a legacy of secrets.

Brigands & Breadknives by Travis Baldtree – Have you read Legends & Lattes? And Bookshops & Bonedust? You should. And then read this book. Excellent comfort reads.

Happy reading, friend.